Why you're still faking orgasms and 3 things to do instead!

Here's the story of how I started faking orgasms.

It was an accident. I was 19 and I had just started having sex. One day after an alarmingly short, 4-minute play, my partner rolls over and says, "Wow, that was so good. And the orgasm you had was huge!"

I didn't know what to say except "Yes, it certainly was," with a nervous laugh.

Obviously I hadn't had an orgasm at all. But somehow he assumed or imagined that I had, so to protect his feelings I lied.

And that's how I spent most of my 20s faking it. I'm not going to ask you why you fake orgasms because I know why you do. It's incredibly easy to fake them And it feels incredibly hard not to.

We fake orgasms for many reasons: we want to make our partners feel good, we don't want to hurt their feelings, we've never had an orgasm, and maybe we're not sure how to have one.

Whatever your motivation, if you feel the need to fake orgasms, I'm not here to shame you. You already know you're doing yourself and your partner a disservice. You already know you should honor your needs over making your partner feel good under false pretenses. You understand that pleasure is important!

But I get it! It's embarrassing! Especially if you've been faking it for a while, it can be hard to admit it. So try this to get back on track:

1. Ask your partner to do something new:

This can be tough because it requires us to swallow our pride and face our fears. But remember that your partner WANTS to please you, so speaking up helps them achieve that goal. Connect the question to something you saw or heard

2. Show and tell

"I've been wanting to show you this thing I do when I'm alone. Why don't you watch for a little while, and then maybe you can try to do it for me."

" We need to break this idea that our partners should give us an orgasm. Orgasms are something that happens when you do it together! At the end of the day, we are responsible for our own pleasure and that means you might as well show your partner what you like while you're enjoying yourself. If it feels awkward to have them in the room while you're enjoying yourself with your hands or a toy, consider calling them via FaceTime.

3. Tell the truth

"This may be hard to hear but I have to admit, I have faked orgasms with you because I was afraid of hurting your feelings. I love having sex with you and now I'm ready to explore new types of pleasure with you. I hope you want to experiment so we can both find out what works together."

" This may give you some less than exciting answers. Your partner may be hurt at first but a loving partner will understand. So prepare to handle their reaction with grace. Most of the time, our partners want (and deserve) the truth. However, be careful not to be so afraid of your partner's response that you never make your confession. This is about finding pleasure for both of you!

If you're faking your orgasms because you've never had an orgasm and you don't know how, that's a different story. But please know, you're not alone! 75% of cis women can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. 15% have never had an orgasm at all. It's a common challenge so join in!

Don't be afraid to try more than one of these methods. A little trial and error may be in order as it takes time to find what works.

Remember, pleasure-centered sex is the ultimate goal. If you're so stressed about having an orgasm that you can't enjoy the experience, the "O" is simply not worth it! Goal-oriented sex can kill the mood, and the truth is, we won't always be able to orgasm, AND THAT'S OKAY! We can still enjoy sex!

Source: Knude Society